a little hurt goes a long way

Sometimes, Papa can be very insensitive to Mommy. Just like tonight when Mommy discussed with Papa after dinner about her diagnosis of endometriosis and causes leads to it. It went okay at first, but later Papa asked Mommy to find out what kind of female body shape might have a retroverted womb. It sounds like a simple question but to Mommy it was degrading - it was as if Papa was stereotyping a certain women with a certain medical condition which Mommy doesn't like. Mommy is trying hard to be civil and talk like she's unaffected but she was. It's not like she asked for all these to happen..and she doesn't want to blame her body condition for not being able to have me yet. Please Papa, all you need to do is hold Mommy and tell her everything can be solved. No need to look for blames. Mommy, wipe your tears and go to sleep. I'll be in your arms then.

what's going on with Mommy?

Few days after the Clomid pills finished, Mommy is now struggling with the after effects. Fatigue and increase of appetite becomes a common sensation in Mommy's mind. She looked for answers in Aunty Emmy, who took Clomid for 2 years and suffered the side effects. Aunty Emmy had acne breakouts and increase weight gain during her perscription, and Mommy feels similarly too. So Mommy decided to increase her fluid intake as to curb dehydration and to eat and exercise like normal. But it was very hard, because Mommy gets sleepy all the time. I saw Mommy ate two Kit kat bars after work - that was naughty! She knows she shouldn't be stuffing herself with so much sugar..but that's all her tastebud craves for these days. he he..I'm with you Mommy.

Mommy also did more research on her condition - Dr Yong did mention that her tipped uterus (facing towards back of pelvis) is not the cause for infertility, but the condition leads to endometriosis. Due to endometrosis cysts, chances of conceiving is reduced. So Mommy has to go through a number of stages - first, a few cycles of Clomid, then Laparoscopy surgery to burn the endometriosis cysts. If nothing happens for the next 6 months, a uterus reposition surgery will follow after to help Mommy conceive. Mommy is taking it calmly because she wants me - and if it's not too hazardous, she will try anything. Hang on Mommy, I know you're quite depressed about the impending surgeries but hey, one day I'll come out smiling at you, and you'll know I'm worth it.

end of Clomid and herald a new beginning!

Tonight, I saw Mommy took her last Clomid pill and down it with water. Then she took folic acid before she went to bed. Her menses has dried up and maybe, she gets lucky tomorrow...
I put my hands together and pray to God all is well with Mommy.

a sign of reassurance

Today I was absent from Mommy's mind. She was busy with work and suffering from a series of cramps with the Clomid drug in effect as well. It comes in throbbing waves, sometimes light, sometimes heavy. She dragged herself like a zombie the whole day and only dream of bed, but she can't, so Mommy persevered. Her stomach is bloating twice as normal on a typical menses duration, and she felt heavy. Thank God there's no nausea - if not Mommy won't last for another hour! She has heard all sorts of complaints against fertility drugs - like excessive weight gain, hormonal changes, and pimples breakout. It's only the second day of medication and she's worried senseless. Somehow, God sent her a small hidayah through some wise words of Aunty Liz. When they met, Aunty Liz related to Mommy on how at one time, her husband complained how tired they were after having babies. Aunty Liz then reminded to themselves that they were sans babies for five years and how they went up and down all sorts of fertility centres in the effort to conceive. So having said that, now that Allah has grant them their wish, they should not complain. At that, Mommy understood the point - if you want something so badly, you should never complain about how you suffered through it. Rewards awaits those who are patient.

So be patient Mommy - 4 days more....

first day of Clomid (cycle 1)

Endometriosis thoughts aside, Dr Yong from DFC prescribed Mommy 50g of Clomid fertility drug for 6 days to help increase ovulation. He figured it's best Mommy try the first step, which is to increase ovulation process with fertility drug assistance. Clomid is reported to carry some minor side effects like hot flushes, bloating, nausea and fatigue, but Mommy is taking it in stride. Beginning 3rd day of menses, Mommy is required to take one pill in the morning and another at night. She's supposed to return to Dr Yong for inspection on Thursday next week to see whether more eggs are produced and what are their health states, size, etc. Since it is expected that Mommy will end her menses cycle on Sunday, doctor prescribed intercourse to resume (ok, I'm grinning wickedly!) but only on Sunday, because Papa needs to abstain from sex for the next 4-5 days after so that his fresh semen can be collected on Thursday next week.
Just now after Papa came back after work, Mommy broke the news about her encounter at Damansara Fertility Centre. Papa says he wants a second opinion because he fears some doctor might be corrupt and just want to press for expensive surgeries. Mommy agreed but she says she wants to try DFC for her first cycle of fertility drugs. If nothing happens, she'll go back to Dr Prashant on the 2nd day of her menses on next cycle (for December) for a scan and maybe an ultrasound test to investigate that endometriosis suspicion.

Hey, I'm still here Mommy, waiting and missing you as always.. :)

another surprise

Due to last Friday's commotion at Dr Prashant's clinic, (she was rather embarassed with that nurse) Mommy decided to try another reputable clinic called Damansara Fertility Centre. Mommy heard it caters to mostly Chinese but since she has no problem of getting there, she called and made an appointment at 10.30am. Mommy walked in and observed the crowd - the ques are long and by the time she could see the doctor, it was already 12.The doctor was very clinical and straightforth about the whole procedure. Mommy saw her womb being scanned and probed through a small monitor. The doctor explained that her womb looks okay until he pressed on her left side and Mommy felt searing pain. The doctor stopped and thought to himself, then completed the scan and went to sit down to discuss with Mommy.

Dr Yong: I suspect you got endometriosis, on your left side. But we can't determine anything unless you go through Laparoscopy surgery.
Dr Yong showed her some charts and pictures of how the condition looks like. She gasped.Mommy: How do I get that?

Well, one theory is that you have reflux menstruation, that means your blood spills around the pelvic area inducing the active cells in your blood to form endometriotic tissues/growth around the lining of your uterus. But I cannot say further until more tests. That is, if you're ready. That could be one factor that hinders pregnancy. Either way, the endometric tissues will develop further into chocolate cysts as time goes by and damage the ovary. You have to get it removed first to increase chances of conceiving.

Mommy kept quiet the whole time. I started to weep in her heart.

Dr Yong: Look, why don't we try the first stage, which is fertility pills? I'll prescribed a cycle of fertility pills for 6 days and next appointment you'll come with your husband we'll get his semen analysed. We'll try this first. I want you to clear your menses before we run for more tests next appointment, okay. Don't worry, maybe it's nothing.

Mommy jot down a couple of facts about the condition and thanked the doctor. She waited for her pills and paid for the whole consultation at the dispensary. It totalled at RM320. Then she walked slowly out of the clinic to her car. She didn't cry. She just stared ahead in the car thinking. Lastly she dialed her Mom's number.

"Ma, I have something to tell you." She repeated everything of what she went through with the doctor. Matok was kind. She told Mommy - if anything, saves your ovary first. If God is willing, He will give you babies. If none, it's still okay. I'll pray for you when I go for my Haj next year.

With that Mommy's head felt clearer. She would go for a second opinion nonetheless, but tonight, she'll break the news gently to Papa.

(for more info on endometriosis, click here.)

love conquers all

After a storm comes a rainbow - that's what happened this weekend between Mommy and Papa. I smiled, even giggled a little, after I saw them cuddled when they have talked over their fears over the Friday encounter. Not everything can be solved in a day but at least they're well and happy with each other now. By the way, Mommy finally got her menses yesterday, making today her second. Unfortunately, the doctor's off on Sundays so Mommy got to arrange a quick meeting with doctor tomorrow if she wants to scan her womb according to nurse's instruction (which should be on second day of menses but 3rd day is as good as 2nd, right?). She'd probably take the day off from work. he he....I can't wait for what's the outcome of that...all that tears and effort should have come to something! Now where's that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow??? *wink

*image from http://www.scrappyhug.com/images/Rainbow.jpg